Area 10 Faith Community
I know that doing bad things is usually the easy way and in most cases it is more fun. The stereotype of the army you would think wouldn’t be associate with bad things, but in my experiences it is.
The army was corrupt. As a private I tried to fix this, but I was hearing voices and I had delusions. Two things however are concrete. The hazing I experience was illegal. I have already discuss this. Another was another private I came in with sold drugs. Marijuana in fact, he was smoking with the platoon sergeant. I know this because he told me. He also asked if I wanted to sell with him. I decline this request.
I haven’t always been a good guy. I have experimented with drugs and did other unlawful things. Why was I suddenly good? I remember I wrote a letter to a leutanent who was the frst one in charge of the commissioned officers chain of command. As in I jumped over several heads to get to it, and I was only a private. When I knocked on the door of the office of this leutanent he acted like I was wasting his time. He even said, “What is the meaning of this?” Who was there to stop me from explaining myself the same platoon sergrent who was smoking pot.
The other things may have been delusions or maybe they did happen but they were so severe I doubted rather or not they happen because of my mental state.
This was no job for a private to improve conditions. When I got out I was angry and bitter. I wrote a letter to a representive in my area about what I experience or thought I experience. Nothing was found. Looking back on the letter I am sure it was poorly written because of my mental state.
Remember when I said I wanted to have a court case against the army that thinking subsided when my first veterans check came through. I was tired of fighting in more ways then one.
One thing remained I had promise Jesus that I was going to go to church. I questioned however rather or not that was the real Jesus or rather not my mind created him. I wasn’t looking for one I wasn’t waking up early on Sunday to find a church. I found mine in a bar of all places.
I went to bars to escape the boredom of my apartment. At this particular bar I might have set down beside an angel on earth. He had been in the navy and apparently said he was discharge for anger issues or so he said.
His name was Andy. He had quit smoking and he also received a letter from a general or some high rank in the navy that helped him get an honorable discharge and his benefits.
Since church was on my mind that night I decided to bring it up. For some reason I thought I could ask him anything even though he was for the most part a total stranger. I asked about church. How I wanted to go but haven’t been looking.
The church I grew up in was in Roanoke. I didn’t like going. The pastor would speak politics at the pulpit as in anti-gay and pro-life. While his wife had cancer he had an affair. I thought this guy was the last guy who should be telling me how I should live my life.
Andy told me about Area 10 Faith Community. It was at the Bryd movie theatre in Carytown. He told me how good the music sound because he sold that kind of equipment and said they had the top of the line. He also said how great the pastor was and how he and the pastor were friends. I concluded I was going to go.
Andy knew all about my mental illness and he said he was going to send an email to the pastor about me. I didn’t have a problem with that. In fact I felt like I was getting better every day. Andy eventually left leaving me glad to have found a church.
We talked shop for most of the night. I was hoping he would become a bar buddy but I never saw him again.
Church on Sunday started at 10 am. I woke up at 8am so I would have pleanty of time to drink coffee and ease in to my day. I showed up and some friendly faces said Hi and gave me a card to fill out. I found a seat and filled out the card.
The service began with the music. It sound like alternative which I liked. I didn’t sing however because I diagnosed myself as being tone death. I just read the words which was on a screen.
When the pastor came up he looked like he could be my age maybe a little older. He put God’s words in lamen terms as in anybody could understand. I enjoyed it tremendously. After the sermon we had communion just about everyone stood up and walked in line to get their piece of bread with some grape juice. I decide to leave.
Hearing the sermon put in what I thought were cliff notes made me think in generalities. There is a controversy with the beginning of time. Maybe God dumbed it down so we could understand it. Maybe the big bang theory did happen but God did it. Evolution? God got the ball rolling. Science discuss these thing but I guess science doesn’t know actually how they happened. God is the answer in more ways then one.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Trying to write a descent poem
Don't leave me
don't apologise
understand me
never leave me alone
can't write the descent poem
tired of my own story
just ramble on
with an explaination slur
cut me off let me sing and dance
won't hear the words
there be just a t the tip of my tongue
unsed by a lover
reluctant to introduce my faults
in the one bed room kingdom
a pen shreik of contentment
when inspiration is flooding the gates
creating a state of emergency
There are no NAtional guard
Live breathe and speak
under the waves
that come in cycles
and leaves for a toddlers dream
and my future unwritten on an island
of libations
pleanty of heat
and money to pay the rent
I could go on but
you would leave me alone
don't apologise
understand me
never leave me alone
can't write the descent poem
tired of my own story
just ramble on
with an explaination slur
cut me off let me sing and dance
won't hear the words
there be just a t the tip of my tongue
unsed by a lover
reluctant to introduce my faults
in the one bed room kingdom
a pen shreik of contentment
when inspiration is flooding the gates
creating a state of emergency
There are no NAtional guard
Live breathe and speak
under the waves
that come in cycles
and leaves for a toddlers dream
and my future unwritten on an island
of libations
pleanty of heat
and money to pay the rent
I could go on but
you would leave me alone
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