HOW I LEARNED TO PEE THE RIGHT WAY

Second grade is an influential year in any man’s life, and I am no exception. Because I was no longer a first grader who was just learning the “how to’s” of school, I wanted to be considered one of the upper classmen who knew the ropes of elementary school.
On trips to the boys’ restroom, I was still pushing my shorts or long pants down to my ankles whenever I went to the restroom urinals. I hated restriction. One day I was standing at a urinal with my pants puddled around my ankles when a fifth grader started laughing at me. I thought I was doing “it” the normal way, but what that more sophisticated fifth grader saw was something else. He saw a little kid peeing while his bare butt was there for the whole world to see.
In my elementary school boy’s mind I began to analyze this uncomfortable situation. I watched as this older, more experienced upperclassman went to the urinal next to the one I had just used. To my utter surprise, he did not pull his shorts all the way down to his ankles. He simply unzipped, unbuttoned, pulled out, and released.
“What in the world,” I thought. I wondered how he did this without getting pee all over his shorts. When I had finished, I pulled my shorts back up, washed my hands, and went back to class, but I had come to a very important conclusion that would be with me for the rest of my life. I came to the conclusion that I should try this new approach when I had to go again at school.
That same day, I put my plan into action. If I was going to try this new stance it was going to be in the privacy of my own home. As soon as I got home, I drank a lot of apple juice, fruit punch, and water. After flooding myself with liquids, I watched TV until the urge hit, and when it finally did, I went to the bathroom. I put my feet shoulder’s length apart; I unbutton, unzipped, and pulled out (as far out as I could at that age). While I was releasing, I felt awesome. I was peeing on the fifth grade level. I was ready for the big kids’ world--the boy’s bathroom at school.
The next day, as teacher called for a bathroom break. The boys went in their direction and the girls, well, they went in their direction.
In the boys’ bathroom, I was at the urinal and looked around to see if anyone else was using the same technique I had just learned. Of course, at that age, I had not learned the lesson that boys don’t look around. Just like pulling pants down around the ankles—looking around isn’t proper bathroom etiquette. I watched as my fellow classmates unzipped their pants. Would they pull them down next? Was I the only one? Not anymore! I had learned how to pee!