Waiting for Paradise

No MOre budgeting
NO more past or present
This is the future
Maybe the view of roaring waves
angles as cobana boys
serving you drinks with umbrellas
while brass and strings are piped in somehow outside
Maybe the creator will be a lifeguard always on duty
some will be on the pier fishing for our meals
a paradise without headaches poverty or social class
rent is free
work is optional
no rage or anger
bread will be broken
with an endless flow of wine
our energy will be like a child's
no pain with our new bodies
THrills will be on the level
of hitting your 3,000th hit in the majors
or after hitting a homerun
contentment will be
beyond the limits of this earth
we would never have to rest
because we would never tire
but there is a king size bed for all
However, the road is narrow
room for all
but most spaces will not be filled
your possessions here will not be there
and you will not have the trials of this earth
because we will be face to face with our dreams
on an infinite vacation

anger freewrite

Ephesians 4:26 - And "don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry.
Some of you hate the fact that this is how I write now. I consider the bible and devotion to be a healthy addiction and sometimes I need some direction. The bible is a blueprint, and it still apply to man's sins today.
Christians aren't perfect. We may feel anger for the simple clique that life didn't turn out the way we wanted or because our jobs do not pay what we think we are worth.
I let my anger get the best of me one night. It was Friday, and I was drinking at a bar in Roanoke.
I wasn't in a bad mood, and I would like to think that I don't have a chip on my shoulder. I do value my own personal space rather it is physical space, mental or emotional space.
If anything I was glad I was out with my brother and sister-in-law. We had just seen a very good ragae band at the coffee pot.
At the bar we were drinking near the pool tables when this guy came up to us wearing all black and he had a turtle neck on. He also had a red scarf which I thought was odd when he had a turtle neck. NOt to mention it wasn't that cold outside.
He was talking to my brother and sister-in-law. He wasn't taking the hint that my brother and sister-in-law didn't want anything to do with this particular jerk.
I didn't hear the conversation, because the music was so loud, but at one point he slid up the arm of his turtle neck to show my brother and sister-in-law where he had been shot in the arm.
I thought he was flexing for my sister-in-law. I wanted him to leave.
I was smoking so I said,"YOu know what you need? You need a cigarette burn right beside it."
I didn't burn him I thought anyone could tell that I was joking.
He took my wrist and tried to use martial arts move with my arm. I thought he was trying to break it. I was stronger then him, however, and I bent my arm back how it was suppose to be which burned the piece of skin connecting his thumb with his pointer finger with my cigarette.
I think I apologised, and then he left.
I started thinking about how I was jumped and duct taped in the army. I concluded he was getting his friends together and I would probably be jumped when I left.
When I usually go out I always try to find an easy exit. I usually keep my distance towards the drunk that can't take a hint. When I go out in the westend they are usually bouncers. I figure if there were bouncers at this bar it would have stopped the minute he tried twisting my arm.
The jerk came back. He started talking to my brother again, and that was when I said,"Why don't you just leave my brother alone."
With a nod I think my brother told me things were okay. Then the jerk came to me with his hand out for a shake.
He said,"I know your sorry for being a dick."
Suddenly the lights in my brain went out. I pushed him. I thought it wasn't a strong push just enough to let him know to give me my space. I was wrong. He went sliding across the floor to where people were sitting at the bar. A girl at the bar lifted her leg up so she would step on his head. I hesitated but then found myself on top him with a right hook to his forehead.
The fight was immediatley stopped. MY brother pulled me off him with such strength that I was now intemidated of my brother. The bartender said, "I want them both out."
I started to leave on my own. REalizing my hat was off my head I went back to retrieve it. I got it, put it on my head, and left. While I was doing this I heard the jerk say terrified,"He's coming back."
The bartender answered,"He is just getting his hat."
OUtisde I walked to my brother's car not feeling glory or excitement. I felt a heavy weight of guilt. This was when I realized I never been on this end of a fight before. Gran it the guy was taller then me but I didn't feel the need to celebrate. I felt awful.
I walked to the cup cake shop and looked in. My nieces birthday was going to be there next week. Even the outside of the cup cake shop looked like it was made of sugar and it could be eaten and enjoyed.
Then my brother drove by with my sister-in-law. My brother wave me over to come across the street. My feet stepped heavy. My shoulders slouched because the weight on them were to heavy to carry.
I got in my brother's car, and we drove back to his house. He was very upset, even that is an understatement.
To sum up, he told me I was a guess in his town, and he liked going to the bar and he could be kicked out by affliation. That made him even more mad.
Some more words were exchanged throughout the night that I would rather not go into. I don't consider myself a fighter, and I still feel terrible.
The next day I appologise to my brother, but I don't think it is enough.

To Drake, Reid, Tatum

It is about 50 degrees here. It was so nice I was able to go on my mile walk. I usually walk on the street behind my apartment. As I was walking, I noticed a boy. He was probably in middle school so I guess he was in your age range.
THis boy had a trash bag and he was cleaning up trash. I know it was probably a school project and he would normally not be doing this, but I thanked him and continued my walk. While I was walking I notcied the trash too. HIs act inspired me to pick up cigarette butts and other kinds of trash. When I came back to him I thanked him again and I put the trash I had collected in his bag.
Now adults would be cincal about this kind of thing. Cinical is being negative. They would probably say, "I would pick it up but someone would just put more trash on the ground." Some of us are different. That boy inspired me to bring a Kroger bag out when I go walking again. Do you see what one good deed does to people. YOu might not be able to see the result but something will happen.
So on a nice Spring day, when your homework is done or you have a good start on it, go on a walk with a kroger bag and just see what people put on the ground. You probably can't pick it all up, but it is a start. People will see it and either thank you or do something nice for their community. I don't know it is a theory.
You guys mean alot to me and I love all three of you.

What do you do when the exit is blocked?

I had been going to Mcguire Veteran's hospital since about 2005. My first time I had to call to get directions. 64 east to downtown expressway, take downtown exit, pay the toll, take 95 south then take the Maury Street exit, and after that all you have to do is follow the blue signs to get to the hospital. It was routine.
Last TUesday, I had to get my injection. Obviously I had memorize the trip down and thought it was all routine. I was on 95 south awaiting the maury street exit, but something was off. There were road flares and a big sign saying road work on the exit. I couldn't take the Maury street exit.
I took the next exit which said Mcguire Veteran's Hospital. Only this time there were no blue signs to guide me, and I was in apart of a neighborhood I wasn't to familar with. Would I get my injection which was medication I despartely needed? I drove back and finally found the MAury street and then I followed the blue signs to the V.A.
I got to Mcguire five minutes after my appointment was suppose to start. Another problem arose. The vallet had cones up because the lot was full. THere were no parking spaces. I drove all the way to parking lot 11A. I found a space inbetween two parking spaces. In the middle of these parking spaces was a median so if you park there which I did. The rear of your car would be out in the open. I needed my injection.
I was fifteen minutes late when I arrived. I didn't get into trouble. The receptionist just told me to go back where I had to wait in line for my injection.
What do we do when our exits are blocked? What do we do when something or someone spoils what we take for gran it? THere is no medication when life happens.
When I was 20 I wanted to be a journalist. I went to vcu, and I liked the idea of writing and getting paid for it. I was also going through the early symptoms of a mental illness. At the time I didn't know what was going on, this is just me looking back.
I later dropped out of vcu, and became a pre-school teacher's aid. I was basically joining the family buisness which was teaching. I went to school for it at community college.
A friend of my roomate came into town. I guess he was inbetween goals like I was. He told me how he saw an army recruitor. He wanted to be a combat engineer.
A combat engineer locates mines or i.e.ds. I thought it sounded exciting.
During my freetime I decided to see my army recruitor. I was nervous. 9-11 was still fresh in everyone's mind and maybe I was running away from something.
I signed the line and was later off to basic training and ait for calvary scout. Then I was to Fort Irwin California in the mojave desert. I experience a severe mental breakdown and recieved a medical discharge.
I now get disablity. I can write whenever I want to.
When life happens the best thing we can do is react. Too bad none of us can predict the future. LIfe can leave a sting like a shot in your arm.
When I got back from the military it was a tough transistion. My parents didn't know what to do with me, and I didn't know what to do with myself. It was so bad that I was even homeless.
Who was there to answer a prayer, Jesus. I prayed for God to take me out of this. It took time but he did. Who is Jesus to me? Jesus is a rebel. WHen he was on earth (and I am sure he still does this) he questioned religious instittuions, and the government. He bought in a prostitute and a crazy man. That rights he accepts people who for the most part have been rejected by the world. Christianity isn't necssarily kakis and a tie. It turns your doom and gloom into a feeling of satisfaction. Here I am schizophrenic and I am actually satisfied. There was a time when I thought that would never happen. Can you say you are satisfied?

Theory (probably heard this before)

Charles Dickens turned 200. When I was a kid I read Oliver Twist with the help of my mom. The book was big print and it had pictures to go along with the story. I would read some and then she would read some.
When I got to the end, I was so excited, afterall that book was pretty thick.
I wish I could read more now, because of my mental health diagnosis it is hard for me to focus. I can get by reading the bible. I also get my news online if not NPR. I sometimes go on the New York Times website or since I follow alot of news sources on twitter I get my news there.
As adults I don't think we get the same excitement from finishing a thick book. We may run out and tell our friends or just feel satisfaction, but it isn't as intense as when we were a kid.
The reason I say this is because I don't have any kids but I do my best to remember what it was like so I can relate to the youth of today. In the words of Neil Young, "Old man look at my life I'm alot like you were..."
If you can remember how you felt as a kid rather it is you being read to you actually reading the book that's a good thing. Wouldn't you like to be apart of that again. MOst of you have heard it before but read or be read to by a kid. Youth can sometimes be contagious.

Issues

I was drinking at a bar in North Myrtle Beach. I was sitting at the bar drinking a beer and watching an NBa game. To my left was a lesbian couple. They were spending alot of their money on those touch screen video games that are at the bar. They were having a blast, and inbewteen sips of their drinks they were flirting with the bartender who was female. The bartender was infact cute.
One of the women was standing up so I offered my chair. She told me she was fine and she went back to her game.
NOw the bible says a man shouldn't lay with another man. It also says LOve thy neighbor as yourself, and it says several times not to judge.
I didn't mention that to my right was a drunk cussing out his girlfriend on his cell phone.
Who do you think I would rather hangout with. Personally it would be the lesbians. I occassionally looked over to my left to get a word in but they were having so much fun with that video game that I decided not to disturb them.
Being a imperfect person why should I judge. Do you actually think that your bashing a gay couple will make the world a better place? DO you think questioning their life style makes yours that much better?
I remember my first times experiencing a gay couple was when I was just a kid. There names were Chris and GAry. They lived together and they were always nice to me, but as a kid I didn't understand.
On a nice day they would be in their speedo laying in their lawn chairs getting sun. During a block party Gary wanted to throw the football with me and some kids. He threw like a girl and when he followed through he had a chicken wing. They were nice though. Remember the golden rule, do onto others...
I don't consider myself liberal or conservative. Definitly not conservative and when I think of liberal, I think of those film makers who go down to the south a pick the dumbest person and decide to make a documentary. I could introduce them to some of the greatest people on earth.
another issue... We had just entered Richmond when NPR was talking about the new overturning of the one gun a month bill in the state of Virginia. I don't own a gun. I don't want a gun. I did my best to hear the whole issue to try to understand both sides. A politician said under the old law, since it was a law, a person would have had 240 guns. Why would you need that many? Maybe you want to start an army or something I don't know. The story also talked about gun trafficing. Apprarently, people from up north like New York would buy their guns in Va and then commit a crime in New York. Also people are trying to pass having a concealed weapon and not having a permit. As far as that law goes, think about owning car. You need a driver's license, and also registration. I can't say that I am pro gun. THose kinda problems could be solved if the gun own would grow a pare and buy a punching bag and boxing gloves. Try punching a bag. Why don't you learn how to fight. Fools