Malcolm's perspective: HUmans are weird.

Sometimes I just say screw it and go to bed in my spot, when he feels the need to stay up late. Other times I am right there with him trying to tell him, 'I want to go to bed.'
The best thing I can do is sleep. I am really good at it, and my owner seems to let me do it whenever I damn well please.
Sometimes when I am awake in the day, I sit beside him and just stare. Sometimes I talk to him in my own language. I do this because I want food in my bowl. He is here to take care of me he should know better.
It is something called Spring now. I usually want to be outside. He doesn't let me go out the front door, because there are bad kids on this block. This is okay with me. He let's me go on his balcony where the sun shines.
He is trying to train me to be outside when the screen door is closed. But what is the point of that? If the screen is closed then the flies won't come in, and I will have no one to play with. That is the point of flies, right?- To play with.
He let's me do whatever I want. It is my kingdom, and sometimes he pets me and it feels so good. It's magic, and when he doesn't pet me I bite him. He should know I am here to be petted.
When it is hot he puts out alot of water for me. There is a bowl and food and water tray. He is so stupid. Doesn't he know that water goes right through me? And if it goes right through me he will just have to clean my litter box more. HUmans are so weird.